I Realized Why I Do This:

Why I write this blog. Why I (somewhat ashamedly) check and post to Facebook way more often than I probably should. Why I find myself constantly thinking of clever things to say on the Internet that will generate comments, thoughts, and (hopefully) laughs.Why I am the way I am.

To some extent, I chose my current self. I made decisions and life changes and statements that have made me the person I am today. I didn't get thrown naked into a river and ended up where it swept me.

I did have a paddle. I did have a boat.

I made those decisions both consciously and subconsciously, but they've led me here, no doubt.

And I am happy with who I am. It's easy to be me, honestly. I find it to be the easiest way to be, in fact. A lot of people would describe me as a guy who is pretty extreme about things, and I am happy with that. I like the extremes, both literally and figuratively. Physically and emotionally.

Anyway, all of that is to say that I understand why I am the way that I am, and why I do the things that I do. Why I made all those decisions that have led me to this point.

So here it is:

I desperately and wholeheartedly want to be known.

I want to be known. Known by you. The nameless reader. I want you to see me on the street and wave, because you know me.

I want you to know that:

I love the Grateful Dead.

My favorite drink is a vodka tonic.

I don't like dark beer.

I love Jesus, but not for the same reasons most people love him.

When I die, I want people to say things about me that will be accurate, not just blanket statements like "He was a great guy."

When I am down (which isn't often), I want people to know exactly what to say to me to cheer me up.

I want you to know what the look on my face is like when standing knee deep in the White River.

Guys, I've got nothing to hide. I literally write everything on here, vulnerability be damned. I want you to know what the real dude is like, behind the beard. Because I am good, and confident in it.

I want to be known by you, but my secondary hope is that I inspire you to allow yourself to be known by others as well.

What would our world look like if we all allowed ourselves to be fully known by all?

Would we continue to dabble in the things we hide from everyone?

What would be the point?

If everybody knew you deeply, and knew exactly what to say to you in your darkest moments - what issues would you really have?

I submit that it is not the life issues that are tough to deal with themselves, it is dealing with people while dealing with the tough life issues that makes things hard. But what if you had a perfect friend who knew you completely who was always there to say and do everything in such a complete and perfect way, so that it made everything okay?

Isn't there always something specific that someone could say or do that would make everything a little better? You might not always know what it is, but you feel like someone holds the keys to that, do you? Don't we? Why do we talk to people on darkened porches amidst beer and cigarettes, late at night, heads hung low, looking like shit, dealing with some major issue?

I think it's because we want that epiphany. We have a deep hope that our friend can and will say that one perfect thing that will lead to a major breakthrough for us, out of and through the darkness. We believe that stuff can and will happen.

But we must allow ourselves to be known.