I think about how I want more money quite a lot - especially when I have none. If you gave me $10,000 I’d probably spend all of it tomorrow and then want more.I feel pretty confident that I am right about most everything, and everyone else is not only wrong - but stupid, too.

I have terrible thoughts about fat people. In fact, I’m not even sure I should feel bad about them, which is one of the reasons the thoughts are so terrible.

I think most people are probably lazy and useless.

I don’t like rich people or girls that dress and talk a certain way.

I have a bad attitude when my bank account is low and a great attitude when it is high. Translation: I trust money way more than I trust God.

I think I am a better Christian than everyone else on the planet.

I am nowhere near as in-touch with God as I would like to be.

I write and talk about this stuff because I want people to respect me and ask my opinion about important things so I can feel good about myself.

I think I am really cool and really good-looking.

Part of the reason I want to run a triathlon is because I want people to say “Wow, you ran a triathlon? You are such an incredible human being.”

Most of the things I get mad at other people about are things I secretly harbor in my own soul.

Most of my thoughts and ambitions revolve around being cool and well-liked, which I think will lead to happiness.

I can’t believe I don’t have like a billion twitter followers. I consider my thoughts to be 100% solid gold.

I keep thinking I have like five books worth of material in my head, and when I write those books, they will jump right to the top of the New York Times Bestsellers list.

I don’t confess stuff near enough. Maybe its because I generally think I have nothing to confess. Which is why I am writing this sentence - and all the ones above this.