If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.// The Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
Salinger died yesterday at the ripe old age of ninety. I read only one of his four books, but it was good.
So - in this attitude, I give you:
I got no cash man. Straight up none.
Honestly I've been trying to keep it quiet because I am running my own business now and I feel some need to keep up appearances. I need people to know that I am doing very well. A lot of businesses only survive off their survival. Get me?
Like Joe Gould said in Cinderella Man: You gotta keep your fists up.
Anyway that's not the case with me. I'll drop my fists because it wasn't my fists that saved me to begin with and they're not going to keep me afloat now, either.
Don't get me wrong, JSP is rocking and 2010 is going to blow the roof off 2009. Problem is, 2010 hasn't really gotten up and running yet - at least not wedding season. Hence, I'm got a barrel scraped dry.
Regardless, I'm not fully distraught. I've got a decent stack of cash on its way, it just hasn't hit the mailbox yet, so don't get the idea that we're going under, we're just learning where the dry spells are in photography, albeit the hard way (which I am starting to learn is in fact the easy way).
Despite this future payday, discovering what the bottom of the bucket truly looks like is no less disheartening.
What I have learned from this experience however, does bring some color back into the flesh:
1. You ain't broke until you're flat broke. If you're not sure what broke really means, try this: Go to the ATM and liquidate your accounts into real cash. Throw it in a trash can and light it on fire. Now you're broke.
2. You're still not quite broke after you burn all your cash, because you've likely got a roof over your head and some amount of food in the pantry. Dry your eyes.
3. Even if you really are truly broke and you've lost your home and all your food is gone and you've got swine flu, you probably don't live in Haiti. It could be much, much worse.
4. If you do live in Haiti, you know far better than any of us what the bottom of the barrel really looks like, and to you few lonely souls who die in the tents as the world watches on, all I can say is: the Lord is with you in your pain and in your dying and in your starvation and your thirst and your sadness.
If there's one thing I am certain of, its that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.
The holy ground shook. Splanchnizomai.
I do feel it.
The womb of YHWH.